HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS: THE QUEST & THE ANSWER BY RICHARD B AJAMAH.

 All unhappiness is a result of trying to meet our needs through human relationships. When another human being fails to meet our needs, we become frustrated and unhappy.

We are finite, and therefore do not expect to find final sufficiency in any human relationship, including marriage. The final sufficiency is to be found only in a relationship with God. But on the basis of the FINISHED WORK OF CHRIST, through the agency of the Holy Spirit and the instrument of faith , there can be a substantial healing of relationships, and thus true joy .

Modern multiple divorce is rooted in the fact that many are seeking in human relationships what human relationships can never give. Why do they have multiple divorce, instead of merely promiscous affairs? Because they are seeking more than merely the sexual relationship . But they can never find it, because what they are seeking does not exist in a purely finite relationship. It is like trying to quench thirst by swallowing sand .

If man tries to find everything in a man -woman or friend-friend relationship, he destroys the very thing he wants and destroys the ones he loves. He sucks them dry, he eats them up, and they as well as the relationship are destroyed. But as Christians we do not have to do that. Our sufficiency of relationship is in that which God made it to be ,in the infinite-personal God,on the basis of the work of Christ.

The husband comes home from work tired, short-tempered, and feeling a need for a kind, understanding word from his wife. He is depressed, and he wants his wife to make him feel better. In turn, his wife has her own needs. She is feeling down, lonely, and she is wanting him to lift her spirits. So they lean on each other. The unspoken message rings out, "I'm hurting, honey, heal me. I'm down, lift me up. I'm depressed, make me happy. I'm blue, take my blues away. I'm in need, meet that need. Put your arms around me and love all the hurt out of me."

Of course, neither of them can meet the needs in the other, those needs are spiritual, and only God can meet them. You can be in the arms of someone you love all night long and still wake up crying inside.

We expect our spouses to do Godlike work. We expect miracles of them. We mess up our relationships because we live under the influence of a lie. We have convinced ourselves we have a right to happiness and that others are morally obligated to create it for us. The danger of that lie is that when we can't find the happiness we expect from them , we put all the blame on their failure to do what was right. Our divorce courts today are overcrowded with husbands and wives seeking divorce simply on the grounds that their marriage gives them no happiness. No other human being on earth can create happiness for you. Some keep marching down the aisle with one new partner after another, trying desperately to find one understanding soul mate who will create happiness for them . But they seldom find it . Their misery and unhappiness increase with each new marriage partner. Each must be complete in Him (THE LORD ).

Paul said " . . . . my God shall supply ALL YOUR NEED according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus"(Philippines 4:19). Not your husband or your wife, pastor, psychiatrist, or your best friend --- but God! Go ahead and share your problems with your friends or pastor or a professional counselor. But, in the final analysis, they can help you only if they point you to this reality --- take your needs to the Lord and allow Him to make you whole. Eventually, you must get rid of every crutch and lean on JESUS ALONE.

When your relationship with the Lord is wrong, it affects all human relationships. Most Christian married couples are not having troubles with their marriages. Rather, they are having trouble with God, therefore, they have trouble with each other. 

Vertical relationship with God settles all horizontal relationships. When people quit talking to God, they quit talking to one another. And people who quit talking to God soon get very lonely and depressed. They are actually lonely for God, hungering for Communion with Him, yearning for His close love and nearness, but , instead of recognizing these needs as spiritual, they blame their lack of fulfillment on others.

May we find our satisfaction and fulfillment in Him alone, this we ask for His name sake with Thanksgiving. Amen.